we spent four weeks together this time, and now, when you’re gone, I can truly feel the real meaning of “ghost limb”. I’ve never missed anybody before. it’s romantic in a way. and suffocating. but it doesn’t feel like a loss, no sadness involved. it feels like a semi-fiction prose.
you are that great man in my life that makes me feel things that I never dared to feel. so, I miss you, because, meine Liebe, you make me rich in my emotions.
+ 10 years ago we were in the same room for the first time, unaware of each other.
During those 10 years we were at the same time and same place uncountable number of times, until exactly a year ago our parallel paths crossed. I remember regretting the fact that you were not performing that night and that I won’t be able to reach you. You remember me as a pretty girl that looked like she didn’t belong to the crowd attending a noise gig.
We both forgot each others faces, but there is a video evidence that we were at the same time and place later on as well, and your camera pointing to the girl in the crowd, or two of us in the same frame, recorded by your friend, half aware still, just acknowledging the attraction, but not taking any further steps. Forgetting the face once again, until….
Some time ago our paths crossed and we finally met. +
My thoughts feel clogged. At this time of the night I operate on single brain cell by default anyway, so not much is different than usual.
Skype is strangely quiet. The damn thing is giving and taking, but without it, some stories wouldn’t be written. Touching keyboard has become an acceptable substitute for a real flesh touch and a separate way of being together. As a means of transport, it conducts descriptive forms of passion and emotions instantly and one gets the needed gratification. One can even plan future online.
It’s important to mention that offline manifestations have much bigger impact. I’m still taken by easiness of the developments and how things just flow. I sometimes want to go back to that past, fragile me, instead of me now, as a state of matter. Like solid to gas. I do prefer stable solid to unstable gas, gas is just so unpredictable and hazardous and solid can be too rigid state for spirited people like us. I could go on and compare my life experience and find equivalent in anything like sublimation, liquid states, plasma.
Oh, plasma…with its filaments and beams. It’s an excellent conductor if charge density is right, if negative and positive potentials are equal.
We are like +plasma. We communicate and circumstances were on our side and found us both in equal states. Plasma is like gas, but with structure. Plasma is sexy, charged. Like stars and intergalactic plasma.